How to rewire your brain to live a life worth living
The 3 Secrets to Dopamine Mastery
For the past 20 years, I’ve followed a strategy that has shaped every aspect of my life—from career to personal happiness to even finding the love of my life. It’s not some get-rich quick shortcut; it’s a way of living that’s rooted in understanding how the brain works. With it, you can build a life that’s not just materially successful, but deeply meaningful as well.
It’s one of the most important lessons I’ve learned so far: how to optimize your dopamine system to create lasting fulfillment.
The Hidden Trap of Instant Gratification
Here’s the hard truth: society wants you to fail.
Not directly, but inadvertently. Because almost everything on your phone is designed to keep you hooked for as long as possible. Another quick funny video, the perfect soulmate, a new pair of shoes… all just one swipe away. How can you resist? But the funny thing is, the climax never comes. Why is that?
No, it’s not because you’re unlucky. It’s deliberate.
Here’s a question for you.
How do you hook someone forever? You keep them eternally dissatisfied… Because if you were truly satisfied, you’d stop right? Our corporate overlords can’t have that. They spend billions of dollars keeping us as passive as possible, consuming in a never-ending hamster wheel of pleasure. Unfortunately for you, it’s only going to get worse. Their technology is only going to get more sophisticated, more personal. Curated feeds and distractions clued in with laser focus to exactly what you’re most addicted to.
Getting caught in their trap means two things.
One. You get distracted from what you would’ve done to actually make your life meaningful and
Two. You… now unfortunately devoid of real substance, need those funny cat videos now more than ever.
But it’s not so bad right? I mean look a this cute singing kitty. This is the pinnacle of human achievement right there.
Okay fine… so what’s the solution? I’m glad you asked. Read on below…
The Digital "Happy Meal" Diet
When you eat simple carbs like soda and candy, you feel the effects immediately: an instant boost in energy followed by a crash, a temporary high that leaves you worse than before. It’s convenient, tastes good for a minute, but ultimately gives you diabetes. The same paradigm exists for dopamine but instead of diabetes, you get something called brain rot.
Sure, watching that stupid Tik Tok video is ridiculously easy and gets you that quick hit of instant gratification right when you need it, but it doesn’t ever nourish you. It’s not a secret why that is - it’s the mental equivalent of fast food. Over time, your attention span has been reduced to that of a goldfish. Your brain is basically a fat guy with pizza stains on his shirt sinking into a couch. Anything not perfectly explained in a funny meme or in the first 30-seconds with a bunch of attention-grabbing edits is too much work.
The Solution: Complex Dopamine
You know how you’re not supposed to eat simple carbs right? Complex carbs is where it’s at. Things like quinoa, whole wheat bread, legumes - things that provide a slow steady fuel for your body over time instead of the quick spikes of sugar that soda pours into your bloodstream for you. You need to start thinking of dopamine in the same way.
If simple dopamine is a quick Tik Tok video, complex dopamine is the joy you get from adopting an abandoned hamster in need of a home, when you talk to some old flame you long forgot about, nostalgically reminiscing about a life you could’ve lived if only she didn’t die of HIV. It’s what you feel when you hit that 100th push-up for the day and realize you are no longer a fat guy. These kinds of experiences not only provide an immediate sense of fulfillment but obviously provide joy long after the fact as well. Think of it as the slow-release extended type dopamine that lingers. Instead of relying on quick hits of simple dopamine, what if you could build a system of rewards that nurtures your pleasure centers over the long haul… where you don’t even have to lift a finger to swipe for that next booty call? Let that thought simmer in your head for a bit because we need to first talk about how to differentiate between simple and complex dopamine.
The 1-Minute Rule: Spotting the "Happy Meals" in Your Life
To determine whether an activity is giving you complex or simple dopamine, use what I call, the 1-minute rule.
After you engage in an activity, ask yourself: How long does the pleasure from this activity last once it’s over?
If the feeling fades within a minute, it’s clearly simple dopamine. Scrolling through social media, playing some stupid phone game, watching a mindless trashy netflix show that inspires no further thought except “the f*ck is wrong with people.” These are by definition, quick hits that leave you craving something more substantial.
Complex dopamine usually lasts way longer than 1-minute. I’m talking hours to days if not years down the line. A good workout, for example, doesn’t just feel great in the moment—it leaves you with increased energy and confidence long after you finish, a kind of satisfaction that builds and compounds over time especially when you see the rest of your friends and family die of age-related diseases they could’ve prevented by skipping a few bacon slices here and there and getting on that treadmill. But not you. You’re fueled by complex dopamine and because of that, you’re going to live forever.
Turning Simple Dopamine into Complex Dopamine
So what does that mean? Get rid of all sources of simple dopamine? No more fun cat videos wearing batman masks?
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Throw away your phone and belongings and live on some random mountain like the bald monk you know you were destined to be?
Nah. The good news is you can still enjoy simple dopamine, but you must learn how to convert it into complex dopamine first. Let me give you a personal example.
There’s this phone game I am unfortunately addicted to.
Several years ago, I would play for hours on end, even angrily trying to end with a W. I tried quitting cold turkey, but it stupidly always made it back into my life. I realized if this was going to be a part of my life, I needed to approach it from a different angle. It’s like there’s a homeless bum who loves sleeping on your door step. Instead of continuously trying to shoo him away, why not invite him in and make him work for you? A simple rule was thus born: I could only play this silly phone game if I was holding a plank position. And bam, my life changed instantly.
Not only did I play the game less because planking is probably as painful as stabbing a knife in your stomach, but when I did play, I…
One. Got to enjoy the game completely guilt-free and
Two. Used it to squeeze out the complex dopamine that only comes from inhumane levels of planking.
Now, weirdly enough, just like a dog salivating at the sound of a bell, I crave planking. And since I never play when I’m not in the plank position, playing the game means I get to enjoy all the benefits of complex dopamine that comes from having a chiseled six-pack and none of the stupid bad stuff that comes from repeatedly stuffing your face with digital Happy Meals.
(Which, as a reminder is what again?
being unable to stop
being stuck in a vicious hamster pleasure cycle and
cold, sweaty withdrawal if you do
hmm. It’s sure beginning to sound like your corner street baggie of drugs right?)
To get your creative juices going, here are some more examples of how you can transform simple dopamine into complex dopamine:
I play too many video games! Instead of playing against stupid 10 year olds on the internet, you play with friends you haven’t seen in a while instead. (If they also happen to be stupid 10 year olds, well, I can’t help you there). This way, you connect and bond with friends you otherwise would’ve lost touch with all while limiting the amount of time you play by yourself all alone in your momma’s basement.
I want to drink more water! Get rid of all beverages except for water at home. If you want to drink something else, you need to get out of the house and socialize. Call up a friend and celebrate something like their cat finally getting the courage to defeat diabetes, whatever.
I binge too many shows! Instead of mindlessly watching episode after episode, make a rule to only watch your favorite series while eating a healthy meal. The moment you finish or start eating crap food, turn off the show, it’s done.
The "Dopamine Bridge": How to fight the instant gratification withdrawal
If you do find yourself stuck in a doom-scroll type situation where you’ve spoonfed yourself a crap ton of instant dopamine and are too scared or weak-minded to get out of it, no fear! The dopamine bridge is here.
Concept of a dopamine bridge is to replace your infinite doom-scroll source of simple dopamine with another source of dopamine. Trick is though to pick a source of dopamine that’s finite. I call this the Donut technique because as delicious and juicy as a donut is, as you eat, at some point, you are going to run out of donut. So how does this work in practice? So you’re sitting there eating your salad, watching netflix right because that’s the rule you have going for yourself now. Great. Have a juicy donut for dessert but don’t eat it just yet. You have to wait until netflix is turned off before you get to eat that donut.
Bonus points if you stack that donut with your next productive activity. This way, you effortlessly transition from one potentially infinite source of simple dopamine, e.g. Netflix, to the next finite source of simple dopamine, e.g. the Donut, all the while ensuring you are already working on your next most important task. The more advanced rule is thus this - you can’t eat that donut until you start that productive activity.
Sure, you may get crumbs over that thesis dissertation you’re supposed to be writing, but that’s a small price to pay considering you just freaking defeated procrastination. And when you realize you just made an incredibly slick transition that would’ve made your momma proud, you start to feel good about yourself. A subtle, but more sustainable joy that lingers… that’s complex dopamine talking. And by the time you finish that donut, you’re not even registering the withdrawal because you’re already in a flow state blazing forward at the speed of light. That’s the good stuff dreams are made of - yet another source of complex dopamine that sustains you far into the future. Congrats. And just like that, with one little donut, you just bridged an infinite simple dopamine source to a finite dopamine source to a finite complex dopamine source to an infinite complex dopamine source.
To get your creative juices going, here are some more examples of “the Donut” technique.
You just had a long day at the office. You could just go home and crash or you could have a rule where it’s only in the gym do you get to watch that trashy show on netflix. This way, if you want to see which random dude Becky marries - John or Billy, it’s going to have to be on that treadmill.
You never go to bed on time? Okay, well, maybe your rule should be… I only get to enjoy “me time” in bed (I’ll let you define what “me” time is okay? Read in between the lines) if you’ve showered, flossed and have put on your spaceman pajamas all tucked in bed by 11pm or whenever your bedtime is. If you don’t know, ask your mama!
The Ultimate Strategy: Building Passive Dopamine
It’s everyone’s dream to have multiple sources of passive income. Who doesn’t want to earn money while they sleep? Underlying principle is to stop trading time for money. This is a concept of an asset, a money-making machine that compounds over time.
What if I told you the secret to life is to do the same, but with dopamine? If you truly want to build a life of meaning, invest in something even more important than passive income… passive dopamine. This is what I call building the dopamine pump.
Unfortunately, most people don’t have the foresight to invest in such a thing. It’s much easier to trade time for dopamine on a 1:1 scale, especially when it guarantees instant gratification. Remember the problem we described above? As easy as it is to get dopamine, obvious problem is you can’t stop. Once you stop doom-scrolling, the dopamine stops flowing too. It’s the most temporary of highs you could ever waste your time on.
But what if you did build a passive dopamine asset, a dopamine pump that eternally supplies you with feel-good vibes, even when you’re doing nothing at all? What would that concept even look like?
I’ve been a hip-hop dancer since high school, but when I moved to Boston for my residency, I decided to try something new—salsa and bachata and oh boy, I’m so glad I did. It opened my eyes to an entirely new world - hundreds of new sources of dopamine I didn’t even know existed.
When you’re a baby, there’s only two sources of dopamine - being with mom and dad and maybe a bottle of formula (or boob). That’s pretty much it. As you become more aware, your actual perception of the world changes too. Oh wow, there’s a toy over there (no it’s not a toy, it’s an electrical outlet…), a new friend there (that’s just the babysitter paid to play with you…), a new place to check out over there (no, don’t touch that!). More and more sources of dopamine start opening up as old sources dry up (that old toy isn’t very interesting anymore it seems).
At some point in time, if you don’t do something about it as an adult, you’ll find your perception of the world closing down faster than things can come in to replace it with… and with it, fewer and fewer sources of new dopamine to look forward to. And when you’re really old, the best dopamine you look forward to is probably having your adult diaper changed and being wheel-chaired to a new window to look wistfully out of. Yah it’s depressing.
But is it not equally depressing to think your world view as an able-bodied adult has pretty much narrowed down to something just as abysmal? It’s what, your phone and, some stupid work Christmas party… and uh, whatever netflix pumps out to numb your existence? The concept of building passive dopamine is the exact opposite of that.
The world of salsa opened my eyes to a thriving new internal ecosystem of possibility. All of a sudden, I had new friends, a fresh new community to hang with and a skillset that made me feel good about myself. Every Friday night became an opportunity to improve, to make even more friends, to have a blast. The dopamine kept coming from every which direction, and it kept flowing even when I wasn’t dancing. That’s the beauty of it. You don’t have to do anything at all but be. That inner confidence within you, the inner richness you’ve experienced gives you a feeling I can only vaguely explain by hand-waving and pointing to concept of “complex dopamine” we’ve been talking about this entire time.
With a rich inner ecosystem thanks to the dopamine pump of salsa, my identity, my conception of self, what I thought was possible… began to change. Because as I got better, I began to get recognized. I started teaching. People knew me as the guy to go to for dancing. People started looking up to me and as a result, my status in any social circle rose exponentially. One silly example happened at this giant business conference with all my bosses and bosses’ bosses. In the middle of the dance floor, I started grooving and low and behold, a circle of onlookers started forming. Keep in mind these people are the ones running all the ERs around the country and yet, there I was in the middle of it, dancing with the chairwoman of some busy ER in California like it was another Friday night. Dancing had leaked into everything and it was amazing.
Oh yah and not to mention dancing is actually fantastic for your brain. In fact, a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2003 found that of all the physical activities out there—cycling, tennis, golf, swimming—it was only social dancing that showed the most promise in lowering the risk of dementia.
This is not a post on how everyone should go out and dance. If that’s your thing, great. It’s but one example of so many things out there that can be done to enrich your life. After all, life is much more than one instantaneous gratification hit after the other. It’s your job to be courageous and build texture, to build subtlety, to enjoy deeply. I can only summarize this concept by saying what I said in the beginning… to build a dopamine pump. Get a few going and I promise you, you won’t even recognize your life anymore. The moment you taste this possibility is the moment you drop that phone and never look back again.